the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
