Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
