Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
