Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize