Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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