i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
