Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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