No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
