Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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