I bet he comes in French.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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