My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
