Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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