just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
