so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
