Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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