I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize