listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
