I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
