What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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