All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she told me i tasted like america
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
