I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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