tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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