All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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