I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
