so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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