OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
