...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
