i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
