Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
