When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
