it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize