Sponge bath it is.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
