it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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