I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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