I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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