well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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