AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
