the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
