this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
