cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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