Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
