thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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