Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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