Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
