no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize