All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize