My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
bring money and cleavage
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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