i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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