Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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