The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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