Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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