Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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