you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
