Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
