I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
