never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
