Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Of course I have a pirate flag
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
