dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
