Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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