just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
