Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
