what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
