drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
