How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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