The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize