Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
