Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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