He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
