nut hugger
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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