Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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