Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think i have two assholes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
