there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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