I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
