I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
