"it" just moved
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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