He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
