so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you win again, gameday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
